Gratitude, A Skill Necessary for Thriving
Painting: “Sleeping Woman” By Richard Diebenkorn, 1961
Most of us know about the vast benefits of adopting a consistent gratitude practice to ease our anxiety, mental chatter and overwhelming thoughts or feelings. We have the power to manage our minds, and now we have the tools to do so in our hands with mindful phone apps and podcasts, a growing awareness of meditation and gratitude protocols and access to information with the internet.
For anyone interested in self development or mitigating their anxiety, a gratitude practice is crucial and evidently the simplest and most effective trick to do so (aside from medication). But what makes a difference in practicing gratitude vs being in gratitude is all in your approach to the work, and your deeper understanding of how living through the lens of appreciation and gratitude can significantly shift your mindset away from the the crippling, negative inner-critic chatter consistently and with ease.
When I adopted my gratitude practice through my coach training program, I was so proud of myself for sticking to a daily routine. Even in times when I’d drop off the consistency, I neatly picked it back up in times of stress or need, and was reminded why this work was so important for my mental health. Then, as COVID entered our lives and changes occurred, i found it harder and harder to experience gratitude even though I stuck to my routine pretty well. Recently, I found out why.
My perspective shifted into a new reality when a friend pointed out that the protocol I follow — though great in theory — worked it’s magic in addressing purely psychological occurrences. Why I was still experiencing low-lows and high-highs was because I hadn’t spent time being in gratitude as much as I was spending time learning how to be in it, and thinking about it. We all know thinking is different from doing.
Here’s what I mean: I could write “I am grateful for the sun, because it warms me, helps plants grow, makes me happy”. This is all true. But my focus is on what I am gaining from the sun. I am centering myself and what I have to gain, vs. being in a gracious state of being. What does it feel like when I sit in a ray of sunlight through my window, or on a patch of grass? Even as I write this down, I’m watching my cat sit in a sunny spot on the front steps just outside my door. He is bathing, lounging, snoozing, and periodically meowing up at me to check in. He is a perfect example of being in gratitude of the sun, appreciating the present moment. That’s all that it is: focusing on the contribution the sun has to all life on earth, the energies that flow through the atmosphere and all that may benefit from its great power. It’s not about what I’m gaining, but about enjoying what is real and generously contributing to our world, as we are all here to do. It’s simple, yet effective and very real.
My friend also pointed out that it’s easy to sit among the trees and nature and feel gratitude. it’s easy to feel gratitude when my coaching business is thriving, with clients busting through the walls. it’s not as easy to directly access gratitude during times of pain, struggle or transition, and those are the exact times to call upon this tool and let it work it’s wonders. When overwhelm strikes, and our daily lives shepherd in new challenges, our brain wants to focus on the negative in order to protect us. Practicing shifting your brain to focus on what you’re grateful for, then fully ‘being’ in that experience, is where change occurs.
If you are grateful for your close friend who lives down the street, what is one small, sweet step you can take to demonstrate your gratitude?
If you are grateful for a certain basketball team, because they bring you joy and excitement, what’s a small, sweet step you can take to express your gratitude?
Action is when others get to benefit from your gratitude, and you’ll be like the sun, allowing others to bask in this gift of simple truth: all is well.
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