On Comparison: Benefits and Setbacks

“Comparison is the thief of joy”, but we all still do it, every day.

During my creative recovery studies, I came across the quote saying, “the only person you can truly and accurately compare yourself to is your past self”.

I believe we all move through life using a comparative lens, silently operating in the back of our minds and sometimes running the show. I think it drives many of us in the way that anxiety can be a driver, healthy or not. Because we feel forward moving momentum, we cling to these tools, wanting to grow and change but not realizing we are taking a dose of poison in our efforts to move forward.

So why are we born with the same ability to measure up against each other and evaluate ours vs theirs? I think it’s because we’re supposed to compare, but not to each other. To ourselves, our past selves, our old beliefs and ideologies, and use that data to move ourselves forward and — more importantly — measure our successes.

I am NOT the same person I was three years ago. I know this because I re-read my journals from time to time, and remember the anxious mess that put words to the page before. I am not her anymore, I’m a new anxious mess, figuring out my new scenarios and environments and desires, but have the ability to keep looking forward because I’ve clearly figured out what it was that was getting in my way before. And I’ll keep doing this through each life stage, each chapter, until my last day. And that’s how I know I’m moving along on my path: I can look back and see how much I’ve actually accomplished.

We simply cannot compare ourselves to others because we have not walked their path. And we shouldn’t want to swap paths with anyone, because then we would be living a lie and there is no greater death than not living the life we are given and meant to live. We’re meant to live this life because we were born into it, simple as that.

The way forward: here’s “how” to turn your perspective from external comparison into internal awareness. Discover your core values.

Put them up on your wall where you can see them every day. Each time you admire, envy or feel jealousy for someone else doing something on their path, check yourself! What value are they demonstrating that has captured your attention? Add that to your values list, because you have it as well.

Remember who you are, and the sharp edge of comparing yourself or others will dull over time. You’ll feel joy for your friends accomplishments, happiness for other people’s wins. And you’ll be gaining your wins along the way as well.

Walk your own damn path.

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